After a year of existing as a depressed lump of emotional mush, my new goal is world domination.
I have spent almost a year in virtual hibernation. No real movement towards my goals, radio silence on my social media accounts, projects left dead in the water.
Let’s discuss this for a minute.
What does it mean to discover yourself? What does it mean to figure out what’s important to you? What does it mean to be completely selfish for the first time in your life?
I’ve found a lot of answers and peace in exploring those questions.
The Art of Letting Go
Everything is temporary.
Life is full of potential. Things come and go. Projects grow and die. Some elements will thrive, others will not.
There are many factors that contribute to why certain things last longer than others. There is always an element of luck, and an element of statistical probability. And, there is always the element of trying so damn hard you can’t fail.
Unless of course you are struck by lightning, hit by a truck, or keel over dead from an entirely preventable but unnoticed disease.
Life is fickle that way.
Here’s the catch: it would seem that we, as a species, are spectacularly able to thrive in ever changing environments. Come war, famine, disease, mental illness, geographical moves, global warming, political unrest, what have you - we are still here.
We are made up of fascinating stuff. Stuff that gets you from one day to the next, through trial after trial, challenging what is possible and thriving under any condition.
If this is truly the case, then no matter what you hope to achieve or gain, no matter what you feel that you’ve irreplaceably lost, you will survive. Not only will you survive, but you will likely come out on the other side stronger.
Or you’ll be dead, in which case it won’t matter to you anyways.
The point is, you have to come to terms with the idea that everything is temporary.
Your permanent life decisions, your relationship choices, your career, your projects, everything. At the end of the day, everything within the scope of your life is temporary.
Don’t let that freak you out.
Let the fleeting nature of life free you. You can always change direction, switch gears, try something new.
And if things are working out for you right now, great!
Keep going until it’s not working anymore.
The Art of Loving People
There’s a lot of talk about losing and regaining faith in humanity.
We’re obsessed with some idea of whether we believe humanity will flourish on, whether we are becoming better or worse as a species. Pro tip: Every generation since ever thinks that the following generation is dragging us down. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. That’s that part where life is fickle again.
You can only work on the humanity in yourself. (It’s almost as if you are part of the problem. How dare I even suggest it!)
People are fascinating.
Each one of us has a different life story. Each one of us handles stressors in different ways. Each one of us is looking for something. Each one of us has a different way of looking for it.
Everyone projects an image of themselves, and it’s not always really who they are.
Most people deserve a half-chance to prove they are actually a decent person. They won’t always be, but you never know who may surprise you.
If you don’t like someone, just fall back on the comfort of knowing your interaction with them can be as temporary as necessary.
A Year In Hibernation
In my last update, I spoke of the Great Funk I experienced in the first half of 2013. That funk never really left for most of the year.
On top of this, I’ve been adjusting from being an overwhelmingly impressive child to an under-achieving adult.
You know, the kind of person who gets a quiet pause, an unsure nod, and finally just a nervous “Oh” after you tell someone what you’ve been doing with your life lately.
- Selling cars
- Building bicycles
- Dancing several nights a week
- Meeting half a dozen random new people a week
- Writing for myself only
- Making music for myself
- Eating mostly ramen
- Laying around, a lot
- Watching all of several many-seasoned TV shows
There is a distinct lack of career advancement, any real amount of income, or anything that doesn’t scream I should be living in my parent’s basement how am I a real adult in an apartment in that whole list.
Oh, yeah and I have a series of bizarre animated gifs of myself.
Sorry, not sorry.
Things I Realized
I don’t want or need anything that isn’t temporary. The idea of actually being dependent on any body, any thing, or any place is abhorrent to me.
At the same time, I love people. I love helping people. I love teaching people. I love experiencing people. I love getting to know people.
There are a lot of beautiful people out there. For some strange reason, I am able to find many of them and befriend them.
My strategy for dealing with stress and anxiety is having this conversation with myself: “Can you do something about it? Yes? Well, will you? No? Then quit worrying about it.”
Speaking only for myself, I have very little to actually worry about. Even in a worst case scenario, barring fatal disease or true tragedy, I will get by and be fine. Things will eventually work out one day. Why do I know this? Because in the grand scheme of things, everything is temporary.
Everything, one day at a time.
You can choose the people who are your family.
Ending The Great Funk
I am officially declaring the Great Funk of 2013 over.
I can’t claim to know or understand what it was, or that I’m entirely clear of all future funks, but right now the fog seems to have lifted entirely. I have felt aggressively creative, over-positive, and entirely all too eager to start a bunch of new projects I’ll probably never finish. In other words, I feel back to normal.
Projects I am excited about!
It’s the end of the Great Funk, which means I’m ready to get back to into the things I love.
PROJECT 1: My memoirs! I’m writing my memoirs, the working title is called Self-Induced Confusion. I’ll be sharing more on this soon as I continue to work on it.
PROJECT 2: My music! I’ve written a lot of songs over the last year, and I’m getting to a place where I hope to actually record it soon and start doing more than semi-regularly attend just one open mic night.
…of course this is me and there are other projects as well, but these are the two things I am most eager for.
Over the next month I am planning on getting back into the web industry - only this time I want to focus on something a little more people oriented. (Hopefully something between a Project Manager, Account Manager or Technical Evangelist. Feel free to send me job referrals!)
Off topic thoughts…
I just redesigned this website for my reemergence, please let me know if you notice things are broken or seem off.
Thank you to everyone who has been there for me emotionally, physically, or financially even while I have been entirely focused on me figuring out me over the last year. I’ve been spectacularly selfish and you’ve been unceasingly amazing.
In other news, my goal is World Domination in 2014.